Just Me.

The Truth

I don’t know what is wrong with me today. I’ve become overwhelmingly sad today and I’m not quite sure why. It began with the thought of a wedding I would like to have one day. The wedding that would signify the beginning of the rest of my life with the guy who has yet to give me the ring that I have been bugging him about for the last six months now. I then began to think about how dearly I would like to have a little girl or another little boy. Sure my family of three is great, but I want my family to grow as quickly as possibly. Which brings me to the next two things on my list of why I am sad today, my insecurities with myself and the fact that I screwed up and put myself in a position that will push my dream of having a wedding and a bigger family even further back. I love my little man and I wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I want my body back. I want to go back to feeling confident and satisfied with my body. I was finally where I wanted my body to be and then I got pregnant. Now I feel like I’m back to what I call “My Hippo Days” because that’s how I feel. I’m back to using food to comfort myself or for something to do when I am bored and I have convinced myself that it’s okay to be like that again, but I don’t want to be like that. I think that’s the thing that makes me most sad, I let myself get like this again. I have no self control anymore and I hate it. And I hate me. I want people to think I’m pretty. I want people to feel intimidated by the way I look and the confidence that my looks give me. I’m afraid I’ll never be that way again and it scares me. It scares me because I really liked that person. I was finally the person I always wanted to be and now I feel like I’m not and I don’t know if I’ll ever really feel that way about myself again.

(Source: nicholasclaridgephotography, via raise-it-up)

(Source: broken-crayon, via raise-it-up)

(Source: c0mpromise, via raise-it-up)

I’ve learned a lot this weekend

I’ve learned how hard it is to be without you, to have you gone for longer than a few hours at a time.

I’ve learned that it hurts so badly to not have you around to talk to, to tell everything to, especially the pointless little stuff no one else would listen to me talk about.

I’ve learned not being able to tell you “I love you,” tell you how much I care about you or that “I miss you with all of my heart right now,” tears my heart into pieces.

Yet, at the same time, I’ve learned that I can have a life of my own without you here. It’s not the same. It’s not as happy, nor does it make me feel as amazing as I do with you. 

I’ve learned that even if I can’t spend all my time with you, life does still go on. I could survive without you, but I would never want that. I would never want to live in a world that didn’t include 

ME

and

YOU

TOGETHER.

I’ve learned and been reassured once again that we are meant to always be together, forever and ever until death do us part.

My reward for being at the doctor for two hours, a pretty pink arm band on both of my arms. (Taken with Instagram)

I heart my hair right now<3

Love<3 (Taken with Instagram)

I’ve never known another like you.

I’ve never felt anything like I do with you.

You’re everything to me and so much more.

You fill my heart with love and you are everything that I adore.